Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
