I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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