I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
