weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She even gives head with a lisp.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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