Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
