my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
