My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
