I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
