Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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