a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
