I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Randomize
