he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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