I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
