He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
