Tell her she can't have a vagina
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
