at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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