it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
