Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
