He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
