glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
