is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
