I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
