I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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