the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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