All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
