so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
