Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Duck Duck Cougar?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Randomize
