My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
