So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
