Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
if only i could text you this smell
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
