i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
