Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
