he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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