i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
