Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
