I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
