I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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