Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
