dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
