After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
