hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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