thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
