And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
