Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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