he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
