let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
