Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
