Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
