Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
