AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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