pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
