bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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