Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
This baby is an asshole
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
