You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
