sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
